It is me who is my enemy!!

It's me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.
~Paula Cole, "Me," This Fire


I found this quote and I think it fits my past 30 years or so... Why could I not be content with how I looked all growing up?? I was thin, cute, and full of life! But all I saw was my belly that stuck out instead of being flat (DUH crunches would have fixed that!) I wasn't sure of myself I just kind of wanted to hide.. but yet at some point I must of felt good with the way I looked because I ran in the Miss Helena paegent and was 3rd runner up?? one minute I would like myself and the next not... who knows?? Now, 34 years later I am finding that I can do the things I set my mind to. I can find that little girl that has been hideing.. She's there and I need to take care of her, she wants to be happy and isn't that why we are here on earth? is to be happy? The Lord has given us each a temple (our bodies) don't we want to take care of them the way he would want us to? Shouldn't we feel that is important for us to be happy? I did some soul searching awhile back and I realized that I was the happiest when I was running... Running is what I want to do!!! This is killing me not being able to until we get the x-ray read, come on its been 24hrs!!! I am hoping no news is GOOD news!!! I went to the gym today and just walked a mile and rode the bike for 8miles and was so bummed the entire time. I just wanted to leave the gym knowing that I got a good workout, but instead I feel like I slacked off.  If I do have to take a break  from running maybe I will talk with Joseph about getting me a trainer so I can figure out other ways for me to leave the gym knowing that I pushed as hard as I could... In the end though I guess I still burned calories!! See, right there I was beating myself up for not being able to work hard enough today, when it should be hey, I went to the gym!! I have eaten well and am drinking my water!! it takes time to change but each day is a new day and we can self talk ourselves into making the changes that need to be made.
-HUGS